Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the liver wants what the liver wants
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
