I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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