Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
