He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
