Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
