bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
