you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
