Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
