Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
