Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
