his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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