I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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