Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
