i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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