if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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