Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
