Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
