I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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