So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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