I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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