the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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