if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently the secret to your success is patron
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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