i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
