Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
