Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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