It's like God shit irony all over that family
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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