I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
