Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
