??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
