please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize