Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I am available for nakedness
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
