Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
