Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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