the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
