Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
