In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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