Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
