guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
