Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
