I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
