I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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