Whatcha textin bout Willis?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
