I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
