Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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