i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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