Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
