I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
