420 ftw
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
