i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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