can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
