when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I touched a dick in church today
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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