pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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