I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
