I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
