I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
