Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
