Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
