remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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