My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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