he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
