I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
me + whiskey = a bad person
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
