I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
