i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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