Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize