with your own penis?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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