I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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