my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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