adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
