this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish you could order shots online.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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