This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
