drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
