That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
