I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
